Sunday, August 16, 2009
We all go through ups and downs in life. At times like this I think of Vincent Van Gogh and the like. Life is hard sometimes. I tried to teach my children that life is messy sometimes, but if you truly love someone you ride that ride together.
Our family is riding that ride right now. Not only has my father's leukemia kicked back in with a vengeance, I am going through some other trials. I try to imagine myself an artist that hurts and can create art out of that, but sometimes it seems a little too big.
For any of you who know me through what I have written you know that family and love of those who have come into my life is all important. I love my father so very much. He came into my life when I was 5 years old. He took my sweet mother with two little ones in tow and made us his own. He is the most intelligent man, and a bible scholar to boot. I admire him. At 75 he still works as the assistant to the attorney general. He is known for his wisdom and knowledge. He is the go to guy when the others don't have an answer. He works hard and has often said to my mother that his family is everything to him. I admire that. In their nearly 45 years together he has always treated my mom with the utmost respect and he honors her every day he is alive. A private, quiet man my father...but his heart is as big as the world.
To be faced with the mortality of a parent is what we all eventually go through. It is simply my turn. It is my deepest wish and desire to be there for him and my mother now as they have always been there for me. When my little Michelle was born I almost died. Hospital stuff...infections and the like. I had no one else, so my parents took my two precious children. My mother painted a picture for me one day when I was in the hospital sorry for myself that I couldn't be with my two most beautiful children...She got up in the middle of the night to search for my missing father and daughter and found them in his study my 6'3" father sitting in the big rocker with my tiny daughter up on his shoulder...a protective hand over her little frame so big that you could hardly see her...both contentedly asleep. I hold dearly to those pictures of my dad...so many over the years. They helped my little ones feel safe at a scary time, and as a result both my kids feel extra close to my parents today. They call, and vow to take care of them, and they do. Sometimes it is hard to share my precious children with anyone; it was just us for so long, but I have great memories of the extra love they have had. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I hope and pray that my dad can have much more time with us. I'm not ready for him to be someone different than my giant loving father who could slay any dragons I ever could imagine. I have to make time to feel sad and then get up and dust myself off and be there for him and my mom.
I believe in God. I try to hold to Him every day. This I learned from my parents. I was standing at my window the day last week when I got that call from my mom and there was the most beautiful rainbow. It reminds me that God is there and He gives us promises of peace and that if we hold to Him He will be there for us. I am trying. So, this is my dad's rainbow.
I've always admired Dean; an artist I know from his blog Deno's Den.He is a most wonderful artist with great eye! He always includes a scripture at the bottom of his posts. Thank you Dean. It really is true that you never know who you may touch. You have touched me.
I am preoccupied with my dear father and the other trials that Satan has decided to put on me at one of the most vulnerable times in my life. But, I am my parents child; they trained me well. I WILL be strong for my parents. I will continue to say to this very private man "I love you my dad". I will not let them down.
Thank you for letting me share this with my blogging family! Hopefully I will get my painting back on track and live with the peace my parents seem to have.
Happy day to you all!
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